Numbers game and true love

I am like others, I have needs. We live for our id, for our ego and in this post-modern's postest-modernest of the modernest's era, to feed our super-ego.
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​A song recently struck me by Israeli artist Noga Erez. In it they talk about buying views... ie... buying clicks on your social media or web pressense.

Numbers mean relevance with online communication - who do we reach and who keeps coming back? This is a slippery slope, because I wake up in the morning and my numbers aren't good and it affects me. Why? Because when I worked at a newspaper I was at least guaranteed the circulation.

When I go from 4,000 views to 500 views I think.... hmmm. am I done? 

​Obvviously clicks to a website are predicated on how many care about said subject.

With my business there is no subscription, just a hope that what I produce has relevance. I do not market it well, I admit. Marketing is an art all in its own. I miss just getting a standard paycheck that paid enough of the bills to keep everyone, including creditors and tax folks happy. I was ok with that because it allowed me to work in peace.

To me work is living because my work is my being... I make stuff.

I take on freelance work and that is truly what pays the bills and allows me to do my day to day coverage of things I enjoy. There is a great photographer who works on documentary stories and who lives very minimalistically from grant to grant. I've known others who would work other jobs just to get the money to travel for a particular story they think is important.
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It is a tiring life. And also a shot of espresso.

I make pictures everyday and I admit I've fallen into a habit of photographing sports because they require observation and timing and at times I can shut off the brain. I am an above average sports photographer,  not great, but I do find compelling sports moments that tell a story when I'm able to focuss on just the capturing of moments.

Ego kicks in and it defines me in many ways as I navigate my love of photographing moments and I belief that we need local ethical journalism now more than ever..

​I took on writing sports for Titusville. The News-Journal is trying to fill the void of vacancy left by the daily Titusville Herald that inexplicably just stopped one day.

It's not easy because, though I like sports, sports reportage isn't my forte. I like effort more than numbers and therefor I sometimes feel I miss the boat on what sports readers need. So when a story I put together falls short of reaching folk, my id looks at my ego and shrugs as my super-ego charges ready to clothesline both my id and ego.

​Of course, what it means is I need to get better. 

I also was recently given the opportunity to teach again and though I feel the semester was largely a failure on my part, I'm excited to be teaching again. Don't ask my super-ego or id about the pay, but my ego knows the good that can come of it.
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I taught a non-prerequisite photojournalism class this semester. Two sections. Photojournailsm is a very particular for of photography and should only be persued by those with a strong background in photography and/or folks who are incredibly curious about people and telling their stories.

Photography is a wonderful thing. I feel blessed really that I get to make photographs, that's why I take on clients in many different genres. A senior portrait might seem commercial to some, but to me it is a chance to make a document of a personality  during a moment in time. I hate cheesy attempts at anything unless the cheese is the point.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this post, other than I get to make pictures for people and it is sometimes weird getting to know how they are being used. At the paper, it was cut and dry mostly. I would submit a photos of five and wait until the next day to see how the editors and layout folks decided to handle what I turned in. 
I have been in shouting matches with expletives after certain publications of my photos misreprented them in some way.

I do get to control that aspect of things now, but do understand the difficulty of writing, editing and choosing photographs to best tell the story. The id confounds the ego often here. And the super-ego thinks I've failed mostly... but I suppose that's what makes me wake up each day.

All of these photos were taken in the last week or so. They demonstrate a small part of what I hope to do in the long term, hopefully with many more dedicated contributors.

Every crossroad needs a town crier.